that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
