The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
