I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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