My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
