i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're like the curious george of whores
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
