i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
