"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
