If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
