There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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