shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
