reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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