your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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