also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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