Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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