Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My penis needs a shock collar
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
