I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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