I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
