Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Im part way to drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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