yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
