I think my fart just growled at me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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