that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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