he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize