I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
