I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
