I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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