Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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