The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
