Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
