where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You may now shotgun with the bride
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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