Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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