dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize