do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
