I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pooping to opera.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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