Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
