I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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