I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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