3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
