you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
