I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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