he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
