Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
