Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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