when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
