the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
