Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
