Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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