do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
