I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
