What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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