It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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