There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
