my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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