This girl is more easily done than said...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
