Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
