If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
