I want you more than these girls want KFC
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
