why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
