Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize