I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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