Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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