Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
