dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
