I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
