I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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