he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
