Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
