So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
