I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize