yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
