i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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