girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
