Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
