JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
