I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
