That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
