READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i believe in u and ur pee
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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