New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
