peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
