Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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