But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
