I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
