apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize