Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
