i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
