Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize