so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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