it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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