I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
