Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
