the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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