She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
