she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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