Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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