The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
