Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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