Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
