drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you didnt know i had herpes?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
