I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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