Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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