Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
